Category: Boundaries

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Battling the May Blues: A Guide to Mental Health Support

As the days grow longer and the weather starts to warm, many of us eagerly await spring’s arrival. However, for some, the transition into May can bring about a unique set of challenges—the “May blues.” This phenomenon, often overlooked, can manifest as subtle changes in mood, energy levels, and overall well-being.

The May blues can be attributed to various factors, from the lingering effect of the winter season to the heightening expectations and demands often accompanying this time of year. As the world around us begins to burst into vibrating colour, it can be easy to feel disconnected if our internal landscape doesn’t quite match the external one. 

Addressing mental health during this period is of the utmost importance. The May blues can profoundly impact daily life, affecting relationships, productivity, and overall quality of life. Understanding the root causes and equipping ourselves with effective coping strategies, we can navigate this transitional period with greater ease and resilience. 

This month’s blog post will explore a range of practical tips and techniques to help you with May blues. From mindfulness practices to social connection, we will delve into a comprehensive guide that will help support your mental well-being and ensure that you can fully embrace the beauty and promise of the spring season. 

What are the May Blues?

This may be your first time reading the term “May blues.” This term describes a common phenomenon experienced by many individuals during the transition from spring to summer, referring to the seasonal melancholy or malaise. Unlike the well-known “winter blues” or seasonal affective disorder (SAD), the May blues are more subtle yet impactful, with mood and mental well-being shifts. 

Factors Contributing to the May Blues

The May blues can be attributed to various environmental and psychological factors. As the seasons change, our bodies and minds must adapt to fluctuations in daylight, temperatures, and routine.  Some key factors that contribute to the May blues include: 

  1. Increased stress and obligations: May often brings a surge in social and professional responsibilities, such as end-of-school-year events and graduations, and the anticipation of heightened stress, anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed. 
  2. Disruptions in routine and adaptation: As the seasons change, people must adapt to fluctuations in daylight, temperature and daily routines. This can lead to disruptions in sleeping patterns, changes in energy levels, and a sense of disorientation. 
  3. Burnout and adjustment difficulties: For some, the May blues can result from burnout, particularly for those university students or new employees who have endured months of intense preparations and are now struggling to adjust to their new environments. 
  4. Lingering effects of winter: The May blues can also be influenced by the lingering effects of the winter season, which have affected mental health and well-being. 
  5. Hormonal and biological factors: The transitional in seasons can also trigger hormonal changes and disruptions to the circadian rhythms, contributing to the May blues.  

It’s important to recognize that the May blues are a shared experience and that seeking support and implementing effective coping strategies can help mitigate the negative effects. By understanding the underlying factors and their impact, we can take proactive steps to maintain our mental well-being during this transitional period.

Signs and Symptoms

May blues can significantly impact your mental health and overall well-being. Some symptoms you may notice include mood swings, irritability, fatigue, difficulty concentrating and a general sense of dissatisfaction or malaise. These emotional and cognitive changes can, in turn, affect our relationships, productivity, and ability to engage in daily activities fully. 

Behavioural Changes Emotional Symptoms Physical Symptoms 
Increased irritability or recklessness 
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions 
Lack of motivation or decreased interest in activities 		Sadness, depressed mood or empty feeling 
Anxiety or feelings of being overwhelmed 
Mood Swings or labile mood 		Fatigue or loss of energy 
Disruptions in sleep patterns
Insomnia or excessive sleeping Changes in appetite or weight 

May blues can include a combination of these behavioural, emotional, and physical symptoms, though they are often transient and self-limited. They develop within a few days of the transition to May and resolve within a couple of weeks. However, if your symptoms worsen or persist, it may be an indicator of a more serious underlying medical condition, such as clinical depression. 

Coping Strategies for Managing May Blues 

As we transition into May, we can face a unique set of challenges. It’s essential to have a toolbox of effective coping strategies to help navigate this period. By prioritizing self-care, seeking professional support, and fostering meaningful relationships and connections, we can mitigate the impact of the May blues and maintain our overall well-being. 

Self-Care Practices 

One of the most important steps in combating any form of depression, including winter and May blues, is to prioritize self-care. This can include regular exercise, such as taking daily walks or trying a new physical activity. Maintaining a balanced and nutritious diet can help support our mental health during difficult times. Additionally, incorporating relaxation techniques such as meditation and deep breathing helps alleviate stress and promote a sense of calm.

Connecting with Loved Ones 

Building a strong support system can be a powerful antidote to May blues. Prioritizing quality time with friends and family, whether through in-person gatherings or virtual connections, can help to alleviate feelings of isolation and provide a sense of belonging. Engaging in shared activities or having open conversations about your experiences can foster community and emotional support. 

Seeking Professional Support 

If the May blues are proving to be especially difficult or challenging, it may be beneficial to seek professional support. Reaching out to a therapist or counsellor can provide a safe and supportive space to explore the underlying causes of your emotional experiences and develop personalized coping strategies. Mental health professionals can offer guidance, tools, and resources to help you navigate this transitional period more easily. 

By incorporating these coping strategies into your daily life, you can empower yourself to overcome the May blues and embrace the spring season’s beauty, refreshingness and joy. 

Managing Stress and Anxiety During the May Blues

As we begin the transition into the month of May, we may be presented with a unique set of challenges. It’s not uncommon to experience higher levels of stress and anxiety. With increased social and professional demands, coupled with the disruption in our routine and the lingering effects of winter, it makes sense that we experience the perfect storm of emotional and psychological turmoil. However, by incorporating some effective stress management tools and cognitive-behavioural strategies, we can start to navigate the transition with a greater sense of ease and resilience. 

Stress Management Techniques

One of the most powerful tools in our toolbox for combating things like the May blues is mindfulness. By cultivating awareness of the present moment and focusing on our breathing, we can interrupt the cycle of rumination, swirling thoughts, and worry that we experience this time of year.  

Deep Breathing 

Engaging in deep breathing exercises, such as the 4-7-8 method, can activate our parasympathetic nervous system and promote a sense of calm and relaxation. 

Physical activity 

Incorporating physical activity into our daily routines can also be a powerful stress-relieving tool. Whether it is a brisk walk, hike, yoga session, or dance class, moving helps our body release pent-up tension and boosts our overall mood and well-being. 

Cognitive-Behavioural Strategies

Addressing the anxious thoughts that often accompany the May blues is another crucial aspect of managing our mental health during this time. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques can be particularly helpful in reframing negative thought patterns and developing more adaptive coping mechanisms.

By challenging the validity of our anxious thoughts and replacing them with more realistic and empowering perspectives, we can reduce the intensity of our emotional experiences and regain control. Practicing thought-stopping techniques such as mindful self-talk or cognitive restructuring can be valuable tools. If you need help with how to do this independently, reach out to a therapist to help guide you. 

The Importance of Boundaries and Self-Compassion

It can also be important to set healthy boundaries and practice self-compassion. Saying “no” to overwhelming or draining commitments can help preserve our energy and prevent burnout. Additionally, being kind and understanding to ourselves, rather than engaging in self-criticism, can foster a sense of resilience and self-acceptance. 

By incorporating some of these management techniques, CBT strategies, and self-care practices, we can empower ourselves to overcome the challenges that May may bring and emerge with a renewed sense of well-being and balance. 

Creating a Routine and Establishing Structure

When our emotions and energy levels feel unpredictable, establishing a consistent routine can be a powerful tool in maintaining our mental health and well-being. Creating a daily schedule and sticking to a constant routine can help manage the May blues in the following ways: 

  1. Establishes a sense of grounding: Anchoring the day with consistent activities, like a morning meditation or an evening skincare routine, can provide a sense of grounding and stability during this transitional period.
  2. Incorporates self-care activities: By intentionally scheduling self-care practices, such as exercise, healthy meals, and relaxation techniques, into a daily routine, individuals can ensure they are prioritizing their mental and physical well-being.
  3. Provides a sense of stability and control: During the May blues, when emotions and energy levels can feel unpredictable, a daily routine can offer a sense of structure, predictability and control, which can help alleviate feelings of stress, anxiety, and overwhelm.
    1. Maintains healthy habits: A structured routine can support the maintenance of healthy habits, such as regular sleep patterns and consistent mealtimes, which are important for managing the May blues.
    1. Reduces decision fatigue: By having a pre-determined schedule, individuals can avoid the mental strain of constantly making decisions, which can contribute to feeling overwhelmed.

“By creating a consistent routine, you reduce the amount of decision-making you have to do. You no longer have to decide when and where to work out, what to eat for breakfast, or how to spend your evenings. You just follow the same pattern you’ve established.”

James Clear “Atomic Habits“

Finding Joy and Purpose in the Midst of the May Blues

It can be easy to become consumed by the negative emotions and feelings of malaise that accompany the male blues. But it is important to remember that amidst the difficulties, there are opportunities to find joy, purpose and a renewed sense of well-being.

In addition to stress management techniques, cognitive-behavioural strategies, boundaries, and self-compassion, creating a routine and engaging in activities that bring you genuine happiness and fulfillment can help combat the May blues. These could be anything from pursuing a creative hobby, such as painting and writing, to immersing yourself in nature via hikes or a leisurely stroll. Prioritizing these activities that bring us joy helps counteract the feelings of lethargy and disengagement characterized by the May blues.

Setting goals and discovering a sense of purpose in your life can be powerful tools to add to your toolbox. Whether it’s a professional objective, a personal development milestone, or a community service project, having something to work towards can provide direction and motivation. As you progress towards these goals, you’ll experience a boost of self-esteem and a renewed sense of meaning. 

Finally, incorporating gratitude can be a transformative tool. By consistently focusing on the positive aspects of your life, even during challenging times, you can shift your perspective and cultivate a more optimistic outlook. This could involve a gratitude journal, expressing appreciation to a loved one, or simply taking a moment each day to reflect on two things you are grateful for. 

Reaching Out for Help and Support

As we navigate May’s challenges, it’s important to remember that we do not have to face these difficulties alone. Seeking professional support and cultivating a solid support system can be invaluable in managing this transitional period’s emotional and psychological impact.  

When the May blues become overwhelming, it is crucial to recognize the importance of seeking professional support. Reaching out to a therapist can provide a safe and confidential space to explore the underlying causes of your emotional experience and develop personalized coping strategies.  Mental health professionals can offer guidance, tools and resources to help you navigate this challenging time. 

Equally important is the role of your loved ones in supporting your mental health and well-being. Encouraging open communication with friends and family about your emotional state can help alleviate feelings of isolation and provide a sense of community. Your support system can offer a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on and practical assistance in managing the demands you’re feeling. 

Remember, reaching out is a sign of strength, not of weakness. By acknowledging you need support and taking the necessary steps to access it, you can empower yourself and emerge with a renewed sense of well-being and resilience. 

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Emotionally Empowered: Understanding and Regulating Your Emotions

Emotions are the fabric of our inner lives, shaping our experiences, decisions, and relationships. They are a powerful force that can uplift us to great heights or plunge us into the depths of despair. We should not feel as though we have to hide away or repress emotions. We are blessed with a rich emotional tapestry, but navigating this landscape can sometimes feel overwhelming, especially if we have never learned how to listen and regulate our emotions properly.

Understanding and regulating our emotions is not just a personal pursuit but a critical aspect of maintaining our overall health and well-being. When we can identify, process, and manage our emotions effectively, we are better equipped to handle life’s challenges, foster meaningful connections and grow a sense of inner peace. 

So What Are Emotions? 

Defined as instinctive changes in your behavioural and psychological state triggered by external events or internal thoughts. These experiences shift our psychological well-being and can affect how we perceive and respond to situations. 

They are an intricate psychological state encompassing your experiences, physiological responses and behavioural expressions. They are a fundamental component of the human experience that shapes our perception, decisions and interactions with the world around us. 

Different Types of Emotions and Their Purpose

There are many different types of emotions.  Listed below are what is called the 6 basic emotions that we can experience daily:

  1. Happiness(Joy) is a pleasant emotion associated with joy, contentment, and satisfaction. It plays a vital role in enhancing well-being and fostering positive relationships. This lets us know we like something. However, it is unrealistic to expect to be happy all the time. 
  2. Sadness is often linked to feelings of grief, hopelessness, and disappointment. While it can be challenging, sadness is a natural response to loss or difficult situations.
  3. Fear is an essential emotion for survival, prompting fight, flight, or freeze responses in threatening situations. Associated with anxiety, fear helps us protect ourselves from harm, keeps us safe, and helps us survive daily.
  4. Anger: Reflects an emotional state characterized by frustration, hostility, and outbursts. It can motivate action but must be managed constructively to avoid negative consequences. Anger can sometimes cover up more vulnerable emotions like sadness and fear. 
  5. Disgust: Arises from feelings of repulsion towards certain stimuli. It serves as a protective mechanism against potentially harmful substances or situations.
  6. Surprise: Occurs in response to unexpected events and can be positive or negative. It plays a role in adapting to new information and experiences.

Image from Disney’s Inside Out

“Emotion can be the enemy, if you give into your emotion, you lose yourself. You must be at one with your emotions, because the body always follows the mind.”

― Bruce Lee

The Link Between Thoughts, Emotions and Behaviours 

Thoughts, emotions, and behaviours are intricately connected in mutual interactions. Our thoughts can influence our emotions and how we feel about things, shaping our behaviours and actions. This belief is a core component of Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT). Understanding this link is crucial for emotional regulation and mental well-being. 

The Importance of Emotional Regulation

Emotions are more than fleeting sensations; they are deeply intertwined with our cognitive processes, physical responses, and social interactions. Connected to what is commonly referred to as the ‘lizard brain,’ the limbic system is the seat of emotions, addiction, mood, and other mental and emotional processing. In charge of the flight, fight, fear, and fawn response, it is all designed to keep us safe and survive.  

When we can understand what our emotions are trying to tell us or warn us about, we unlock a world of possibilities. Emotional regulation is pivotal in our mental well-being, influencing how we perceive, interpret and respond to the world.  Understanding the significance of our emotions and why they are trying to tell us is important in fostering psychological resilience and maintaining a healthy and balanced state of mind. 

The Role of Emotion Regulation in Mental Well-being

  1. Enhanced Self-awareness: Emotion regulation promotes self-awareness by helping you recognize, name and understand emotional states. This awareness allows for proactive management of emotions, leading to improved emotional stability and clarity.
  2. Improved Coping Mechanisms: Effective emotion regulation helps you create adaptive coping strategies to navigate life’s challenges. By regulating emotions, you can constructively respond to stressors and reduce the impact of negative emotions on mental health.
  3. Relationship Dynamics: Emotion regulation plays a crucial role in fostering healthy relationships. By managing emotional reactions and responses, you can communicate your needs more effectively, empathize with others, and constructively resolve conflicts.

Consequences of Poor Emotion Regulation

  1. Negative Impact on Mental Health: Poor emotion regulation can lead to heightened levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. Unmanaged or unaddressed emotions can exacerbate mental health conditions and contribute to a cycle of negative thoughts and behaviours.
  2. Strained Relationships: Difficulties in regulating emotions can strain interpersonal relationships, leading to misunderstandings, conflicts, and communication breakdowns. Uncontrolled emotional outbursts can damage trust and intimacy in relationships.
  3. Impaired Decision-making: Emotions play a significant role in decision-making processes, even if we don’t want them to. Poor emotion regulation can cloud judgment, leading to impulsive or irrational choices that may have long-term consequences.

“We cannot selectively numb emotions. When we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”

-Brene Brown

Benefits of Effective Emotion Regulation

  1. Enhanced Mental Clarity: Effective emotion regulation promotes mental clarity by reducing cognitive distortions(exaggerated or irrational thought patterns) caused by intense emotions. Clearer thinking allows for better problem-solving skills and decision-making abilities.
  2. Improved Stress Management: By regulating emotions, we can better manage stress levels and prevent escalating stress-related symptoms. Techniques such as mindfulness and relaxation help alleviate the physiological effects of stress.
  3. Positive Impact on Overall Well-being: Effective emotion regulation contributes to overall well-being by promoting emotional balance, resilience, and adaptive coping mechanisms. It fosters a sense of inner peace and harmony, enhancing your quality of life.

Let’s take some time to delve deeper into some strategies that can help us master the art of emotional regulation and help empower you to live a more fulfilled and balanced life. 

Mastering the Art of Regulating Emotions 

If you want to master the art of regulating emotions, it is important to take a multifaceted approach. Here are some key strategies that can help you better manage your emotions and foster a greater well-being

Mindfulness: Stay Present and AwareIdentifying and Challenging  Negative Thoughts Coping Mechanisms to Manage Intense Emotions Self-Care to Improve Emotional Well-being. 
Deep Breathing: Engaging in deep, slow breathing can help calm the mind and body, allowing you to become more aware of your emotional state Cognitive Restructuring: With the help of a therapist, learning to identify and challenge irrational or distorted thoughts can help you reframe your perspective and regulate emotional responses  Physical Activity to Release Tension:  Engaging in physical exercises, such as going for a walk or doing yoga, can help release pent-up emotions and promote a sense of calm. Schedule time or Hobbies and Relaxation: Dedicating time to activities you enjoy and find relaxing can help recharge your emotional resources and create a sense of balance  
Mindful Meditations: Regularly practicing mindfulness meditation can enhance our ability to observe our emotions without judgment and allow us to respond more appropriately. Journaling to Track Thoughts and Emotions: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can provide valuable insights and help you better understand the connection between cognitions and emotions. Seek support from Friends or Professionals: Talking with a trusted friend, family member or mental health professional can provide a valuable outlet for processing and regulating emotions. Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle:  Ensuring you are getting enough good quality sleep, eating a balanced diet and engaging in regular self-care can all positively impact your ability to regulate your emotions. 

Incorporating a few of these strategies into your daily life can help you develop a comprehensive toolkit for navigating the ebb and flow of your emotions, Ultimately leading to a better balance with your emotions and creating stronger resilience and overall well-being. 

Understanding What Emotions are Trying to Tell Us. 

As we discussed, emotions are not just reactions to your environment; they are complex signals that carry important messages about our values, needs and perceptions. By learning to interpret these messages, we can make healthier choices, improve our relationships and navigate life more effectively. 

Exploring the Messages Behind Common Emotions 

Lets take a moment to explore some possible messages behind a few common emotions. 

Anger

Often signals that we perceive something as a threat to our well-being or values. It could indicate feelings of injustice, frustration, or a violation of personal boundaries. Recognizing the message behind anger prompts us to address issues and assert our needs constructively. Taking time to pause until you are able to think clearly can help you respond from a rational place rather than a reactive place. Anger may also be a secondary emotion used to cover more vulnerable emotions like hurt, fear, sadness, etc.

Sadness

May reflect loss, disappointment or a sense of disconnection. It invites us to slow down, reflect and process our experience. Understanding sadness can lead to growth, healing and a deeper connection with ourselves and others. 

Fear

Serves as a protective mechanism, alerting us that something is potentially dangerous or harmful. It aims to encourage caution and preparation. By acknowledging fear, we can more accurately assess risks or perceived risks and make informed decisions about how to proceed.  

Overwhelmed

This may mean that your current demands or circumstances may have exceeded your ability to cope. Setting boundaries, stress management or seeking support can lighten the load. If you are able, take time to slow down and step back. Write down what you need to get done and focus on one task at a time based on importance

Insecurity

Can signal a lack of self-confidence or a perceived threat to one’s sense of self-worth. The message behind this feeling may be a need for self-acceptance, validation for yourself and/or others, and time to address the root causes of low self-esteem. You are more than what you give yourself credit for. 

Rejection

Research shows that this can invoke a range of intense, uncomfortable emotions like frustration, anger, sadness, and a sense of worthlessness. The message rejection is sending may be a need for better or improved self-compassion, understanding the feedback, and building more resilience to handle other setbacks. 

Discouragement

Feeling discouraged can reflect a loss of motivation or hope. Maybe you stop believing in your abilities. Discouragement may be a sign that it is time to reevaluate your goals, seek encouragement from others, and/or engage in activities that help you rebuild a sense of efficacy and determination.

Shame and Guilt

These are self-conscious emotions that arise from a perceived transgression of personal or social standards. The message behind these two emotions often makes you aware that you did something you don’t like, admit your mistake and try to make repairs where possible. Self-forgiveness is needed, as well as making amends and learning from past experiences to help you avoid the same mistakes. It is also important that once you’ve made the repairs needed, you let the shame and guilt go.  

    Recognizing Patterns and Learning from Our Emotions 

    Identifying recurring emotional patterns can reveal unresolved issues and unmet needs. For example, if criticism consistently triggers intense anger, it may point to deeper insecurities or a fear of inadequacy. Recognizing these patterns allows us to address the root cause and root out causes of our emotional responses and work towards healthier reactions. 

    Emotions can guide us toward actions that align with our values and contribute to our well-being. For example, feeling joy when doing a particular activity can reinforce its positive impact on our lives, thus encouraging us to prioritize it.

    They also help us by providing insight into our relationships and their dynamics. Feeling consistently upset after an interaction with someone may indicate that there are some unresolved issues or incompatible values. By exploring these emotional signals, we can address conflicts, set boundaries, or strengthen connections based on mutual respect and understanding. 

    “Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.”

    – Carl Jung

    Do not underestimate the power of emotions as a tool for self-discovery and personal growth. By paying attention to what our emotions are trying to tell us, we can navigate life’s challenges with greater wisdom and compassion, leading to a more fulfilled and balanced life. 

    Remember, if you’re struggling to manage your emotions or experiencing persistent mental health challenges, it’s important to reach out to a qualified mental health professional, such as a therapist or counsellor, who can provide personalized guidance and support.

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    Breaking the Burnout Cycle

    March is Mental Health Month, making it an opportune time to raise awareness about the significance of mental well-being and the detrimental effects of burnout on mental health.

    Burnout is something we all face in today’s fast-paced world. It is a state of emotional, physical and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. Ignoring burnout can have severe consequences for both our psychological and physical health. It can lead to issues with work performance, puts a strain on relationships, and can even lead to long-term health issues. By acknowledging and addressing burnout proactively, individuals can prevent its detrimental effects and improve their overall well-being.

    In this blog, we will explore the causes of burnout, how to recognize its symptoms, and practical tips to prevent and manage burnout effectively. Additionally, we will discuss the importance of self-care, setting boundaries, seeking support, and finding a healthy work-life balance to combat burnout successfully. Join us on this journey to understand burnout better and learn how to prioritize your well-being.

    How do I know if I have Burnout?

    Burnout will happen to everyone at some point in their lives. Think about it: working and constantly overworking, helping others, taking care of our families, and attending social events. It is easy to feel overwhelmed and emotionally drained, unable to keep up with all the demands of life. Sometimes, we need to be more relaxed and remember to take a step back and rest. This is often when burnout occurs. 

    Burnout is more than just feeling tired or stressed; it’s a complete physical, mental and emotional exhaustion. You may need help to engage in activities you used to enjoy.  You may also find yourself no longer caring about things that are important to you or an increased sense of hopelessness similar to depression.  Understanding the signs of burnout is important for early intervention and prevention.  

    Symptoms of Burnout 

    Physical Symptoms Emotional Symptoms Behavioural Symptoms
    Headaches
     Upset Stomach 
    Intestinal Issues 
    Fatigue
     Frequent Illness
    Changes in appetite/ Sleep     		Helplessness 
    Cynicism
     Sense of failure
    Self-doubt 
    Decrease in satisfaction 
    Detachment 
    Feeling alone in the world. 
    Loss of motivation     		Reduce performance in everyday tasks
     Withdrawal or isolation
     Procrastination
     Outbursts
     Coping with substances. 

    Factors That Can Contribute to Burnout. 

    Lifestyle Cases Work-Related CausesPersonality Traits 
    Working without much socializing or relaxing
    Lacking supportive relationships 
    Not enough help
    To many responsibilities 
    Lacking sleep     		No or little control over work
     Lack of recognition
     Demanding job expectations
     Unchallenging or Monotonous work 
    Chaotic and/or high-pressure environments.     		Perfectionist Tendencies 
     Pessimistic view of yourself and the world
    Need to be in control
     High achieving nature/drive. 

    Impact of Burnout on mental health 

    As mentioned earlier, burnout can have a pretty significant impact on someone’s mental health and well-being. Burnout increases the risk of depression and anxiety, and this can lead to feelings of detachment and cynicism. It can also impair cognitive functioning and decision-making abilities and significantly strain relationships in both personal and work environments.  

    Knowing the signs, causes, and consequences of burnout is crucial. It helps us recognize when we are at risk so that we can take proactive steps to prevent or address burnout in the best way possible.  

    Prevention Strategies 

    This leads us to the next section of this blog. If you are worried that you may be at risk for experiencing Burnout or are actively experiencing burnout, what strategies can help?  

    Pushing through the exhaustion and continuing as ‘normal’ may be something you feel like you have to do, but it will only cause you further emotional and physical damage. Now is the best time to pause and see what changes you can implement to help you overcome burnout and feel healthy and positive. 

    “It’s always been implied that if you fail to succeed, you aren’t passionate enough. But I no longer invest in work emotionally. It isn’t worth it. I learned that every single person is expendable. None of it is fair or based on passion or merit. I don’t have the bandwidth to play that game.”

    ― Anne Helen Petersen, Can’t Even: How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation

    Addressing burnout requires a holistic approach involving individual actions and organizational support. Self-care, setting boundaries, seeking support and finding balance. Below are some strategies that may help you enhance your mental health and prevent the negative impacts of burnout. 

    Self-care and Stress Management 

    • Prioritizing your well-being through activities such as exercise, meditation and hobbies. 
    • Embrace mindfulness practices to help you reduce your stress and promote relaxation. 
    • Make sure to get enough rest and sleep to rejuvenate you mentally and physically. If you struggle with sleep, take a look at the importance of sleep hygiene for some tips that can help you get better quality sleep. 

    Set Boundaries and Manage Your Time.

    • Learn to delegate tasks and say no to additional responsibilities to avoid overwhelming yourself. 
    • Efficiently manage time by prioritizing takes and avoiding too much multitasking. Some things can wait a few days.
    • Establish clear boundaries between your work and your personal life. Contrary to what your work may have you believe, you don’t always need to feel like you have to be working or achieving something to be successful.  

    Finding a Work-Life Balance 

    • Strive for harmony in your work-life balance. Create realistic expectations for work commitments.  
    • Take regular breaks throughout your day to help prevent mental fatigue and maintain a good level of productivity. 
    • Life is more than work. Engage in fulfilling activities outside of work to promote joy and overall well-being.  

    Seak Support  and Build Resistance 

    • Participate in activities that foster social connection and a sense of community for mental well-being. 
    • Cultivate resilience by developing healthy coping mechanisms for stressors and inevitable setbacks.
    • Reach out to loved ones, friends or professionals for emotional support during challenging times. 

    Healthy Coping Mechanisms For Burnout

    Incorporating healthy coping mechanisms into your daily life is instrumental when facing challenges like chronic stress and emotional exhaustion.  You may wonder about healthy coping mechanisms and how to build your toolbox so you always have the right tools for the job. Here are some effective strategies to help you navigate some more difficult times. 

    Mindfulness and Meditation 

    • Mindfulness is the practice of “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally” (Jon Kababt-Zinn). Focusing on the present moment can reduce stress.
    •  Practicing meditation can help enhance your focus, relaxation, and emotional regulation.

    Exercise and Physical Activity 

    • It’s important to incorporate regular exercise into your routine. Exercise has been known to increase your mood, reduce anxiety, and help improve overall well-being. 
    • Try your best to stay active throughout your day—activities like walking, yoga, or dancing release endorphins and combat stress. 

    Journaling and Self-Reflection 

    • Keeping a journal can help you express thoughts and emotions so that you don’t have to dwell on them, especially around bedtime. It also allows you to reflect on daily experiences. 
    • Self-reflection is important for introspection and personal growth and helps one gain insight into one’s mental state. 

    Incorporating these coping mechanisms into your daily routine can help you manage stress proactively, enhance self-awareness, and promote mental well-being. Remember that seeking support is a sign of strength and a proactive step toward maintaining a healthy mind and body.

    How Therapy Can Help.

    Therapy can be instrumental in addressing and managing the symptoms of burnout by providing you with the tools and support to navigate this difficult experience. With the help of a Psychotherapist, you can:

    1. Learn to Identify and Address Symptoms: Therapy can help you recognize the signs and symptoms of burnout, such as emotional exhaustion, irritability, and physical ailments, allowing for early intervention and prevention.
    2. Develop Coping Strategies: A therapist can help you develop some of the coping strategies listed above to manage stress, help you identify and set boundaries, and prioritize self-care.
    3. Enhance Your Self-Awareness: Therapy promotes self-awareness and helps you understand triggers, boundaries, and needs. It also enables you to make informed decisions to help protect your mental health.
    4. Build Your Resistance: Building resilience helps you navigate challenges and bounce back from setbacks. It also allows you to maintain a healthy perspective when stressors arise. 
    5. They Promote Self-Care: A therapist can guide you in implementing self-care practices tailored to your specific needs, such as some of the practices mentioned above, and can help you incorporate them into your daily life. 
    6. They Provide Emotional Support: Therapy is a safe space to express your feelings, concerns, and struggles without judgment. This helps build emotional support and validation during times of burnout.  

    Leverage the support and guidance of therapy to help you if you are experiencing burnout symptoms or what helps prevent it. With the help of a therapist you can gain valuable insights, develop coping mechanisms and work to restore balance and well-being into your life. 

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    “Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.”

    -Thanos: Avengers: Infinity War
    References

    Pugh, M. W. D. M. (2023, August 17). Burnout | Psychology Tools. Psychology Tools. https://www.psychologytools.com/self-help/burnout/

    Signs you might be experiencing a burnout and how to regain balance in your life. (2023, September). Darling Downs Health. https://www.darlingdowns.health.qld.gov.au/about-us/our-stories/feature-articles/signs-you-might-be-experiencing-a-burnout-and-how-to-regain-balance-in-your-life

    Smith, M., MA. (2024, February 5). Burnout prevention and treatment. HelpGuide.org. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/burnout-prevention-and-recovery.htm

    WebMD Editorial Contributors. (2020, December 4). Burnout: symptoms and signs. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/burnout-symptoms-signs#1-1

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    Untangling the Web of Relationships: A Mini-Series: Part 3: Insecure Attachment

    I probably don’t need to reiterate this, but relationships are complex and often challenging to navigate on a good day. An insecure attachment style can significantly impact relationships, making that complexity and challenge even more apparent. This leads to difficulties in making deep emotional connections, fear of abandonment, struggles with emotional regulation, depression, and low self-worth. In this part of the mini-series, we will explore the three main types of insecure attachment: anxious, avoidant, and disorganized, how they may impact you and your relationship, and how speaking with a therapist may be able to help. 

    Understanding The Different Attachments 

    Our attachment style plays a vital role in our relationships. Have you asked yourself why you keep repeating behaviours or notice an unhelpful pattern in your relationships, even with different partners? 

    In the book “Attached” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller the authors explore three main styles of insecure attachment: Anxious, avoidant and disorganized. Anxious attachment is characterized by a fear of abandonment and a strong desire for closeness. Avoidant attachment involves discomfort with intimacy and a need for independence, often pushing people away. Disorganized attachment combines traits of anxious and avoidant styles, leading to unpredictable behaviours in relationships.

    Signs of Insecure Attachment Styles 

    Anxious Attachment Avoidant Attachment Disorganized 
    Clingy tendencies
    Highly sensitive to criticism (real or perceived)
    Needing approval from others
    Jealous tendencies Difficulty being alone
    Low self-esteem
    Feeling unworthy of love
    Intense fear of rejection
    Significant fear of abandonment
    Difficulty trusting others    		Avoidance of emotional or physical intimacy
    A strong sense of independence
    Difficulty expressing feelings
    Dismissive of others
    Hard time trusting people
    Feel threatened by anyone who tries to get close to you
    Spend more time alone than interacting with others
    Believe you don’t need others in your life
    “Commitment Issues“    		Fear of rejection
    Difficulty in regulating emotions
    Contradictory behaviors
    High levels of anxiety
    Difficulty trusting others
    Signs of both avoidant and anxious attachment styles

    Each attachment style affects relationships differently. While someone with an Anxious attachment style may have a deep desire for closeness and excessive reassurance. Someone who is avoidant often struggles with emotional intimacy and tends to push people away.  Alternatively, someone with a disorganized attachment style is a bit more confusing. Both pushing people away and, at the same time, desiring closeness. 

    Effects of Insecure Attachment on Relationships

    Whatever category of attachment style you find yourself in, insecure attachment takes an emotional toll on both partners. Those with anxious attachment often will experience heightened levels of anxiety, fear of abandonment and low sense of self-worth. Individuals with avoidant attachment struggle with intimacy, suppress their emotions and find it hard to ask for help. All of which lead to misunderstanding, conflict and a lack of fulfillment in relationships. 

    The Cycle of Behaviour 

     all three create a cycle of negative behaviours. For example, someone with an anxious attachment style who is excessively clingy and demanding reassurance and attention may overwhelm their partners and cause them to withdraw. This in turn feeds into their anxiety and anxious behaviours. Someone who has an avoidant attachment style alternative may be reluctant to let people get too close, which can lead their partners to pursue them, which also reinforces their avoidant behaviours  Those with disorganized attachment tend to be a bit more unpredictable and contradictory in their actions which makes their partners confused and distressed. 

    These behaviours lead to a lack of trust, difficulty forming and maintaining intimacy, frequent misunderstandings, and emotional instability. The cycle of seeking reassurance, distancing, and unpredictable behaviours can create a persistent pattern of instability and emotional distress, making it challenging to build a healthy and secure relationship.

    “The trick is not to get hooked on the highs and lows and mistake an activated attachment system for passion or love. Don’t let emotional unavailability turn you on.”

    ― Amir Levine, Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love

    Therapy in Healing Insecure Attachment

    If you want to achieve a positive outcome in your relationship and no longer repeat patterns of unhealthy behaviour caused by your attachment style, attending therapy may help. By learning to regulate your emotions better, improving communication skills, increasing your sense of self-worth and building trust in others, you may see a shift in your attachment style.

    Practical Tips for Developing Secure Attachment Patterns

    Attachments often develop early in life and remain stable throughout our lives. However, this doesn’t mean they can not change to a more secure form of attachment. In order to make this chance you may need to develop or improve your self-awareness and an understanding of what that negative pattern of behaviour looks like and implement ways to resolve attachment issues. 

    Remember you’re not alone in this journey; By attending therapy you can:

    1. Learn About Your Attachment Style: Understanding your attachment style is the first step. Identify the associated thoughts and behaviours to work towards a secure attachment.
    2. Increase Emotional Awareness: Managing and expressing emotions effectively enhances empathy and fosters secure attachments.
    3. Learn to Communicate Openly and Listen Empathetically: Express hopes, fears, and concerns respectfully. Non-verbal communication, such as eye contact and nodding, is equally important.
    4. Act Opposite to Your Anxious or Avoidant Style: Challenge your attachment style by taking small steps towards independence or intimacy, depending on your specific pattern.
    5. Minimize Stressors: Commit to self-care, address conflicts early, and engage in calming activities to reduce stress and its impact on attachment issues.

    Fostering Trust, Intimacy, and Healthy Communication

    In addition to learning more about yourself and the cycle of patterns therapy can help with providing practical strategies that can help foster healthier relationships.

    You will be able to learn things such as:

    1. Setting Aside Regular Time for Reflection: Reflect on how you and your partner can help each other feel respected, understood, and loved to deepen intimacy.
    2. What Healthy Relationships Look Like: Surround yourself with individuals in healthy relationships to learn from their behaviours and set appropriate boundaries in your partnerships.
    3. How to Minimize Stressors: Commit to self-care, address conflicts early, and engage in calming activities to reduce stress and its impact on attachment issues.
    4. Increasing Emotional Awareness: Managing and expressing emotions effectively enhances empathy and fosters secure attachments.
    5. How to Communicate Openly and Listen Empathetically: Express hopes, fears, and concerns respectfully. Non-verbal communication, such as eye contact and nodding, is equally important.

    Therapy can be an effective tool in addressing and healing insecure attachment by providing a supportive and compassionate environment to explore and understand your attachment patterns. Attachment-based therapy aims to build or rebuild a trusting relationship. and hopes to prevent and/or treat mental health concerns such as anxiety and depression. 

    Individuals learn to develop a secure attachment style by addressing past traumas, promoting self-compassion, and enhancing communication skills, ultimately leading to a more secure and stable sense of self and improved interpersonal connections

    Book Now

    Don’t forget to check out Part 1 of this Untangling the Web of Relationships: Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships

    Don’t forget to check out Part 2 of this Mini-Series. Untangling the Web of Relationships: Resentment

    References

    Choosing Therapy. (2023, December 21). Attachment-Based therapy: How it works, techniques, & effectiveness. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/attachment-based-therapy/

    Kadir, N. B. A. (2017). Insecure attachment. In Springer eBooks (pp. 1–8). https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-28099-8_2025-1

    Lmft, M. F. L. (2022, December 5). Coping with an insecure attachment style. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/marriage-insecure-attachment-style-2303303

    Mandriota, M. (2021, October 13). Here is how to identify your attachment style. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/health/4-attachment-styles-in-relationships#secure-attachment

    mindbodygreen. (2022, August 23). Do you have an insecure attachment style? What it means + How to heal. Mindbodygreen. https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/insecure-attachment-style

    Psychology Today. (222 C.E., July 28). Attachment-Based Therapy. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapy-types/attachment-based-therapy

    Robinson, L., Lawrence Robinson, Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. and Jaelline Jaffe, Ph.D., Segal, J., Ph. D., & Jaffe, J., Ph. D. (2024, January 8). Attachment Styles and How They Affect Adult Relationships. HelpGuide.org.

    Team. (2023, July 29). Attachment Styles in Adult Relationships – Complete guide. Attachment Project. https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/four-attachment-styles/

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    Untangling the Web of Relationships: Part 1 Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships

    Understanding Healthy Relationships

    So you may be asking yourself, ‘What is a healthy relationship, and how do I know if I am in one?’

    Many of us have never experienced a healthy relationship, or a relationship we thought was healthy turned out to be unhealthy or abusive. 

    In the book “Intimate Relationships” by Rowland Miller and Daniel Perlman and the concept of attachment theory, healthy relationships are categorized by several essential qualities that contribute to their strength and longevity.

    1. Trust: Trust forms the foundation of a healthy relationship. It involves having confidence in your partner’s reliability, integrity, and intentions.
    2. Respect: Mutual respect is essential, encompassing the appreciation of each other’s individuality, boundaries, and opinions.
    3. Effective Communication: Open and honest communication is vital for understanding each other’s needs, expressing emotions, and resolving conflicts.
    4. Intimacy: Emotional and physical intimacy foster a deep connection and vulnerability within the relationships.
    5. Friendship: A strong friendship forms the basis of a healthy romantic relationship involving companionship, shared interests, and laughter.
    6. Commitment: Both partners are dedicated to the relationship’s growth and well-being, demonstrating loyalty and perseverance.
    7. Healthy Conflict Resolution: Constructive conflict resolution involves addressing differences respectfully and seeking mutually beneficial solutions.
    8. Flexibility: Being adaptable and open to change contributes to the relationship’s resilience and growth.
    9. Enjoyment: Sharing joy, fun, and laughter strengthens the bond between partners.
    10. Attachment Security: Drawing from attachment theory. A secure attachment style promotes a sense of safety, closeness, and comfort within the relationship.

    If your relationship is struggling in some of these areas, it by no means means you are in an unhealthy relationship. However, these might be areas that need work. 

    By integrating these qualities into our relationships, we can cultivate a robust and enduring bond that thrives on trust, respect, communication, and mutual support. These qualities help foster healthy and fulfilling relationships, providing a roadmap for couples to navigate the complexities of intimate connections.

    Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships

    According to the Gottman Institute, which is known for its extensive research on relationships, unhealthy relationships can be characterized by ongoing negative interactions, which are a red flag that couples(friends and family as well) are edging towards divorce, separation or breakups.  The Gottman Institute also highlights that unhealthy power dynamics in a relationship, particularly in the decision-making, can also lead to resentment and divorce, separation or breakups, highlighting the importance of balance in relationships for overall well-being. 

    Further, Gottman’s Method sheds some light on the pursuer-distancer pattern, which can also be a red flag for unhealthy dynamics. This involves one partner pursuing closeness and resolution during conflicts while the other person prefers to distance themselves. Being able to recognize this pattern can help to foster healthier communication and conflict resolution within the relationship. 

    “great relationships—the masters—are built on respect, empathy, and a profound understanding of each other. Relationships don’t last without talk, even for the strong and silent type.”

    ― John M. Gottman,

    Signs of Unhealthy Relationships.

    It is crucial to distinguish between what is a healthy relationship, what is an unhealthy relationship, and what is an abusive relationship. By being able to recognize the signs of unhealthy and abusive relationships, we can take the first steps toward making an informed choice. 

    Unhealthy relationships can manifest in many forms, including controlling behaviours, mistrust, disrespect and poor communication. It is important to be aware of these signs to help you protect yourself and your well-being.

    Some examples of emotional signs that a relationship may be unhealthy include: 

    1. Frequent Disrespect: Unhealthy relationships are often marked by frequent disrespect, where one or both partners consistently undermine the other’s feelings, opinions, or boundaries
    2. Lack of Trust: Trust can lead to insecurity and hiding things from your partner. This can create a toxic environment within the relationship.
    3. Consistent Negativity: Unhealthy relationships can be characterized by a consistent negative atmosphere, where criticism, pessimism, and hostility prevail, leading to emotional distress.
    4. Manipulation: Emotional manipulation, such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or controlling behaviour, can erode the trust and well-being of one or both partners.
    5. Intense Mood Swings: Unpredictable behaviours and frequent ups and downs can create an environment where one feels the need to walk on eggshells around their partner, leading to emotional exhaustion and dissatisfaction.
    6. Extreme Jealousy or Insecurity: Feelings of extreme jealousy or insecurity can lead to controlling behaviours, isolation, and emotional distress within the relationship.
    7. Explosive Temper: Uncontrollable anger and explosive temper can create an emotionally volatile and unsafe environment within the relationship.
    8. Reproductive Control: Reproductive control, such as pressuring a partner to get pregnant or controlling decisions about pregnancy and parenting, can be a form of emotional abuse and control.



    Unhealthy to Healthy Relationships

    How Can Therapy Help?

    Therapy can play a crucial role in healing from an unhealthy relationship by providing individuals with the support, guidance, and tools needed to break free from unhealthy relationship cycles and foster emotional well-being. Below are some ways that therapy can aid in the healing process.

    • Self-Discovery and Growth: Therapy allows individuals to explore their values, needs, and beliefs, fostering self-discovery and personal growth.
    • Identifying Unhealthy Attachment Styles: A mental health professional can help individuals identify their attachment style, providing insight into how their thoughts, emotions, and behaviours may impact their relationships.
    • Improving Communication: Through therapy, individuals can develop and practice effective communication skills, which are essential for addressing challenges within relationships and creating a safe and supportive environment.
    • Breaking Free from Toxic Cycles: Therapy empowers individuals to become aware of and be held accountable for their relationship patterns, allowing them to break free from hurtful cycles that may be rooted in past trauma.
    • Recovering from Emotional Distress: Seeking help from a mental health professional can aid in recovering from the emotional distress caused by a toxic relationship, ultimately improving mental well-being and reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety.

    “A healthy relationship is a feast of affection/giving for both people; not one receiving crumbs and trying to convince themselves it’s enough.”

    – Shannon Thomas

    By engaging in therapy, individuals can embark on a journey of healing, self-discovery, and personal growth, ultimately paving the way for healthier, more fulfilling relationships in the future.

    Book Now
    References

    BetterHelp Editorial Team. (2024, January 31). Top 10 Characteristics of Healthy Relationships | BetterHelp. https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/top-10-characteristics-of-healthy-relationships/

    Casabianca, S. S. (2022, April 18). Have an unhealthy attachment to your partner? Healing is possible. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/blog/healing-unhealthy-relationship-attachments

    Commonwealth of Massachusetts. (n.d.-a). What does an unhealthy relationship look like? Mass.gov. https://www.mass.gov/info-details/recognizing-the-signs-of-unhealthy-relationships

    Commonwealth of Massachusetts. (n.d.-b). What does an unhealthy relationship look like? Mass.gov. https://www.mass.gov/info-details/recognizing-the-signs-of-unhealthy-relationships

    Gautam, S. (2023, July 22). Healthy Relationships vs Unhealthy: 6 Ways How Your Relationships Affect Your Health – Written By Shweta. Written By Shweta. https://writtenbyshweta.com/healthy-relationships-vs-unhealthy/

    Horsmon, S., & Horsmon, S. (2021, February 3). How to avoid the Pursuer-Distancer pattern in your relationship. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-avoid-the-pursuer-distancer-pattern-in-your-relationship/

    MSEd, K. C. (2023, November 9). Signs you might be in an unhealthy relationship, and what to do. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-that-youre-in-an-unhealthy-relationship-5218237

    Unhealthy relationships. (n.d.). Planned Parenthood. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/healthy-relationships/what-makes-relationship-unhealthy

    Viezzer, S. (2023, December 7). What are the signs of an unhealthy relationship. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/signs-of-an-unhealthy-relationship.html

    What does a healthy relationship look like? (n.d.). The State of New York. https://www.ny.gov/teen-dating-violence-awareness-and-prevention/what-does-healthy-relationship-look

    Don’t forget to check out Part 2 of this Mini-Series. Untangling the Web of Relationships: Part 2 Resentment

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    Prioritize Your Mental Health: Setting Realistic and Achievable Goals for the New Year

    The new year brings a chance for setting new goals or renewing old ones. It’s important to prioritize mental health and well-being on this journey. Embarking on this journey, it is important to prioritize our mental health and overall well-being.  

    Time to reflect:  Are you juggling work, family and personal commitments, feeling overwhelmed and mentally exhausted?

    You are not alone. Many people can relate to this kind of scenario. It underscores the importance of caring not just for our physical health but our mental health as well. 

    In a world where people often focus on their health by setting New Year resolutions, focusing on weight loss, eating better and getting physically healthier. Many overlook the significance of mental health and well-being.  It affects how we think and feel, how we handle stress, and how we make choices. This is why it is essential to set realistic and achievable goals.

    Understanding The Importance of  Mental Health Goals

    Setting mental health goals is fundamental in prioritizing our mental health and well-being. These goals provide direction and purpose, allowing us to focus our energy and efforts on meaningful objectives. By working towards these goals, people can experience a sense of accomplishment and empowerment. Which also helps boost self-confidence and motivation. 

    Mental health goals can act as a guiding light in the mental health journey and provide tangible evidence of growth and improvement. Reinforcing a positive mindset and fostering optimism aids us during challenging times. The process of goal setting also encourages us to take time for self-reflection. This leads to a deeper understanding of self and one’s emotional needs. 

     The Power of Realistic Goal-Setting

    Creating practical strategies that help us maintain well-being can make all the difference in taking a goal from something that isn’t achievable to something that is. Setting realistic mental health goals fosters a positive and sustainable mental health and well-being path.  Creating unrealistic and unachievable goals often leads to frustration with ourselves and self-doubt. Ultimately undermines any progress we might have made.  We must take a step back and ensure our goals align with our personal capabilities and limitations. 

    It can be hard to know when our mental health goals don’t align with our personal limitations and capabilities. An example of this can be setting overly ambitious goals, such as eliminating all stress from our lives. This type of goal does not align with the reality of the human experience. Stress is a natural and inevitable part of life.  Similarly, setting vague goals such as “being happier” without specific actions or measures may not align with personal capabilities and limitations. Happiness is a complex, multifaceted emotional state that can not be easily quantified or controlled. 

    By aligning our goals with our capabilities and limitations, we can embrace flexibility, enjoy frequent wins, and gain a sense of purpose. All of which can help boost our mental health and ultimately contribute to long-term growth.

    Identify Personal Priorities and Ambitions

    It can be difficult to determine what our mental health goals should be. But by taking some time to reflect on our priorities and ambitions we can see what is important to us. You can gain clarity of areas that need improvement, such as managing stress, enhancing social interactions, practicing self-love and identifying negative thought patterns. Exploring these areas and taking time to self-reflect it helps set the stage for meaningful and relevant mental health goals. You can gain insight into where to focus your efforts and gain a greater mental well-being. Now, it might be hard to explore these areas on our own. Reach out to a therapist to help you explore these areas. 

    Research suggests that ambition can be a powerful motivator in achieving our goals when directed to serve one’s well-being.

    Some Examples of Mental Health Goals. 

    You might wonder, ‘What mental health goals can I work towards?’ Below is a list of some possible goals that can help boost your mental health. 

    Remember, this is not an exhaustive list; mental health goals are unique to individual needs and current circumstances.

    Factors to Consider When Setting Mental Health Goals

    In addition to understanding our priorities and ambitions when setting mental health goals, we also need to consider our personal circumstances and limitations.

    So, what is included in our personal circumstances and limitations? Well, things like work commitments, family responsibilities and health concerns can impact our ability to work towards and maintain our goals. By acknowledging our circumstances we can set realistic goals, and tailored to our unique situation and increase our chances of success. 

    Additionally, it is important to consider any potential barriers. This could include things such as time constraints, financial limitations or even internal obstacles such as self-doubt or fear of change. By taking the time to identify these barriers in advance you can proactively develop strategies to overcome them and increase the chance of successfully reaching your goals. However, all of these can be difficult to do alone and if you find yourself struggling with knowing what your limitations are or personal barriers reach out to a mental health professional.

    Time for an Action Plan.

    We wouldn’t set our friends up for failure why should we set ourselves up to fail? 

    What do you do when you have your priorities, ambitions, limitations and barriers all determined? Now it’s time to create an action plan. In developing an action plan you can create an easy-to-follow step-by-step guide to helping you achieve your goals. First, you should identify your specific mental health goal such as the one listed above. Once you have that completed it’s important to break that goal into smaller more manageable tasks. For instance, if your goal is to improve your social interactions a smaller task might be to initiate conversations with friends or join a social groups. This helps to make goals less daunting and more achievable.  

    SMART GOALS 

    SMART goals are a valuable framework that is effective for setting any type of goal.  By taking the time to ensure that goals are Specific, Measurable, and Achievable. Relevant and Time-Bound you can create a clear and actionable plan that has a higher chance of success. 

    For example, a SMART Goal for mental health might be something like, “ I will practice mindfulness breathing for 10 minutes every day before bed for the next month to reduce stress and improve sleep quality.” The goal encompasses every part of the SMART framework, it is specific, measurable, achievable, relevant to the individual’s well-being and time-bound making it more effective than a goal that is vague or general. 

    Use the template below to make your own SMART Goal 
    SSpecific: What do you want to achieve? Example: I will practice mindfulness breathing for 10 minutes every day before bed for the next month to reduce stress and improve sleep quality.

    MSpecific: What do you want to achieve? Example: I will practice mindfulness breathing for 10 minutes every day before bed for the next month to reduce stress and improve sleep quality.

    ARelevant: Why do you want to achieve this goal? example: This goal will help me to be healthier and will also help with my energy levels and reduce my stress!

    RRelevant: Why do you want to achieve this goal? example: This goal will help me to be healthier and will also help with my energy levels and reduce my stress!

    TTime-based: What is the timeframe you’d like to achieve this goal in? example: I will be mindfully breathing consistently by February 15th!

    Tracking your progress is another vital aspect when working towards your goals. This can be done by maintaining a journal, using a mental health app or just noting your progress on a calendar. Regular review and adjustment of your goal based on your progress is important. If some tasks are consistently challenging they may need to be modified to better suit your individual needs better.  Additionally, potential barriers to achieving these goals should be anticipated, and strategies to overcome them should be developed. This could involve seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals.

    Don’t Forget Your Support System and Stay Accountable.

    It is okay to seek support and accountability for you mental health goals!  By sharing our goals and progress with loved ones, friends and mental health professionals. Individuals can benefit from a strong support system and help to increase motivation. Loved ones and friends can provide encouragement, understanding and practical assistance. Mental health professionals on the other hand can offer guidance and tailored support. By sharing your goals you can also foster open communications and reduce feelings of isolation which also contributes to improved mental well-being. 

    Accountability is also a strong factor in achieving mental health goals. When we are held accountable to our goals we are more likely to stay committed and track our progress. This can be achieved through regular check-ins with a trusted individual or professional and by using tools like journaling or mental health apps that monitor progress. Accountability helps individuals stay focused, overcome challenges and celebrate successes which in the end helps us to sustain our progress and improve mental health.  

    Coping with Setbacks and Celebrating Successes

    We are all human, setbacks are inevitable and a normal part of life and that is especially true when we are setting goals but this doesn’t mean they need to define the journey.  When possible it is best to anticipate any setbacks that may arrive.  When you do experience a setback having coping mechanisms and identifying healthy outlets that work for you can be beneficial. Engaging in activities that bring joy, relaxation and/or fulfillment such as exercises mindfulness practice, journaling and art evening connecting with nature can all be healthy coping mechanisms.  Your support system can also help navigate setbacks by offering perspective, guidance and reassurance which helps maintain motivation.  Embrace setbacks, they are an abnormal part of the journey!

    “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.”

    ― Carl Rogers

    Don’t forget to reflect on the progress you’ve made, celebrate any accomplishments and remind yourself of the strides you’ve made. Taking this time to reflect can help you maintain or reignite motivation and still have confidence in your ability to overcome setbacks.  

    Make sure you take time to celebrate milestones no matter how small. Acknowledge your successes and the positive impact they have on your life. Celebrating progress helps with motivation and encourages continued commitment to your mental health goals. 

    Happy New Year!

    Amid the challenges and opportunities that 2024 brings setting mental health goals is a valuable tool for maintaining and improving mental health and well-being. It can provide you with a sense of direction and purpose, allowing you to focus your energy on things that are meaningful and tailored to your individual needs. By working towards these goals you can experience a sense of accomplishment, and empowerment and boost your self-confidence and ongoing motivation to to continue your efforts, 

    A mental health setting also encourages self-reflection, leading to a deeper understanding of yourself and your emotional needs. When setting mental health goals it is important to keep them realistic and identify your personal ambitions and priorities. Don’t forget to consider your aspirations and dreams as well as any potential challenges that might impact your ability to maintain your goals.  

    Creating an action plan that helps you break down goals into smaller more manageable tasks and using the SMART can help you create a framework for your goals. Seeking support from loved ones, friends and mental health professionals that provides guidance, accountability, encouragement and motivation. 

    Finally, remember that setbacks are inevitable plan for them as best you can. Celebrate successes and no matter how small, this can help you maintain motivation to keep working towards your goals and foster a positive mindset.  Ultimately setting mental health goals is a proactive step towards prioritizing mental health and building a foundation for long-term growth and improved mental health.

    As we enter the New Year let’s take a few moments to make a commitment that also focuses on mental health and cultivates a sense of thriving and overall well-being with the same dedication that we give to other aspects of our lives. 

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    Holiday Stress and Anxiety: Unwrapping Joy

    The holiday season is often expected to be a time of joy, warmth, and togetherness. However, These are not the only feelings you might experience. For many individuals, it can also be a source of holiday stress and anxiety. A recent poll by the American Psychiatric Association found that nearly one in three people expect an increase in stress this holiday session. If this sounds like you, you are not alone. 

    The pressure of holiday shopping, gifts, travel expenses, hosting or attending social gatherings, and managing a packed calendar of holiday events can increase stress and anxiety. Coping with all these pressures and expectations accompanying the holidays can be challenging. Still, with the right strategies, it is possible to experience the season with more tranquillity and happiness. In this article, we explore how psychotherapy can help individuals cope with holiday stress and anxiety.

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    Holiday Stress and Anxiety Quiz

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    Understanding Holiday Stress and Anxiety

    Holiday stress refers to the emotional and physical strain experienced during the festive season due to various triggers. Anxiety related to the holidays can manifest as anticipatory worry, panic attacks, or even social anxiety. Before delving into the strategies, it is essential to understand what holiday stress and anxiety entail. To manage holiday stress and anxiety, it’s important to understand their causes and take steps to enjoy the holidays to the fullest.

    It is essential to recognize your triggers. Otherwise, you won’t know what is causing you additional stress and anxiety this holiday season. If you find it challenging to identify your triggers, working with a therapist might help.  

    Common Cause of Holiday Stress and Anxiety

    1. High unattainable expectations: Many people associate the holidays with social gatherings, rituals, and happy memories. The pressure to perfect every meal and gift can lead to overwhelming stress, anxiety, and disappointment.
    2. Financial concerns: The holidays can be expensive, and the pressure to buy gifts for loved ones can be overwhelming. Especially as things have gotten more expensive over the past year, overspending on gifts, groceries, and travel can lead to financial stress.
    3. Family issues and conflicts: The holidays can exacerbate family issues and conflicts. Feeling as though you need to live up to others’ expectations or that they are not living up to yours. Hosting gatherings or managing a packed calendar of holiday events can add to the stress, as there needs to be more time in the month to get everything done.
    4. Loneliness and grief: The holidays can be difficult for those who are alone or grieving. Loneliness and grief can also be heightened during the holidays.
    5. Excessive eating and drinking: The temptation to self-medicate, binge eat, or drink excessively during the holidays can exacerbate negative feelings and lead to stress, anxiety, and disappointment. It can also be disappointing not to follow your healthy eating/drinking plan.
    6. Overcommitment: The holiday season can be long and full of commitments, from parties to PTA meetings. Overcommitment can lead to stress and anxiety. Again, if only there were more time in your day to get everything done! Finding the time to attend every party you were invited to or feeling like you haven’t been invited to enough parties can increase stress.
    7. Holiday noise and bustle: The noise and bustle in stores and malls during the holiday season can irritate even the calmest shopper. And why do the stores seem more disorganized and find it harder to find what you are looking for? 
    Image by DCStudio on Freepik


    Take a moment to reflect: Which of these feels like the biggest trigger for you and increases your holiday stress? You can choose more than one if needed.

    Identifying Symptoms of Stress and Anxiety

    How do you know if you are experiencing holiday stress? 

    Holiday stress and anxiety can present themselves in many different ways. They could be emotional, mental or physical. Either way, it is essential to recognize the symptoms of holiday stress and anxiety so that you can take practical steps to reduce them leading up to the holidays. It is also important to know the symptoms of holiday stress in case you need to seek appropriate help and support.

    Here are some common symptoms of holiday stress and anxiety: 

    • Anxiety: Anxiety can be a common symptom of holiday stress. It can manifest as feelings of nervousness, worry, or unease. You can also feel it physically, like a tightness in your chest or a racing heart, for no apparent reason. 
    • Sadness: The holidays can be difficult for those who are alone or grieving. Loneliness and grief can also be heightened during the holidays, leading to an increase in feelings of sadness.
    • Headaches: Stress can cause tension in your body, especially around your shoulders, neck and jaw. This manifests as headaches, a common symptom of holiday stress, especially if you can’t identify another reason for the headaches. 
    • Body aches: Not only can you experience headaches, but stress can also cause muscle tension and aches. Sometimes, it can feel like you’ve just worked out even though you haven’t.
    • Inability to sleep: Stress and anxiety can make falling or staying asleep difficult. This is because your mind keeps spiralling around many thoughts, plans and preparations. As discussed in my previous blog post: The Importance of Sleep Hygiene. Getting a good night’s sleep is incredibly important for our mental health. 
    • Irritability:  Even for those who are generally calm and patient, stress and anxiety can make individuals more irritable and short-tempered. Suppose you find yourself getting annoyed easily or snapping at people when you usually wouldn’t or at things that generally wouldn’t bother you. You might be experiencing higher levels of stress and anxiety. 
    • Excessive drinking and Overeating: Stress and anxiety can lead to overeating and/or excessive drinking, which can cause physical discomfort and feelings of guilt. The temptation to cope using unhealthy coping strategies like binge eating or excessive drinking coincides with the party spirit of the holidays, which can exacerbate negative feelings. 
    • Fatigue: The demands of shopping, parties, family obligations, and house guests can contribute to feeling overwhelmed and increased tension, leading to fatigue. Plus, if you do not sleep enough each night, you will wake up the next day feeling exhausted, irritated, and in a lower mood. Learn how to get The Importance of Sleep Hygiene: Tips for a Better Night’s Rest on my other post.
    • Post-holiday sadness: Some individuals may experience post-holiday sadness, usually around or after New Year’s Day. This can result from having high unmet expectations and
    Image by DCStudio on Freepik

    Tips for Managing Stress and Anxiety During the Holiday Season

    Managing stress and anxiety during the holiday season can be challenging. However, there are some practical steps that you can take to minimize your stress levels.  Practicing mindfulness and meditation, preventing burnout, maintaining healthy habits, being realistic, and reaching out to others can all help reduce stress and anxiety. Setting boundaries and saying no to commitments that may be overwhelming, developing a holiday budget, creating relaxing surroundings, sharing feelings, and accepting imperfection.

    Here are some tips for managing stress and anxiety during the holiday season:

    1. Practice mindfulness and meditation: Mindfulness can be a valuable mental wellness tool all year round, not just for the holidays. It involves focusing on the present moment and accepting it without judgment. Meditation can help reduce stress and anxiety by calming the mind and body. Our bodies can’t be both calm and anxious at the same time. 
    2. Maintain healthy habits: Healthy habits during the holiday season will be one of your best defences against stress. This means getting enough sleep, eating well, and staying physically active. It also means maintaining what you can of your daily routine, like workouts, book club, or personal self-care time. Fit holiday obligations into your everyday routine rather than letting them upset your life.
    3. Be realistic: The holiday season can be long and full of commitments, from parties to PTA meetings. To help manage stress, list what you expect from yourself, what others expect from you, and what your holiday responsibilities are. Place them on a calendar to get a feel for what the coming months will look like. Get comfortable with the idea that you don’t have to do everything; everything doesn’t have to be perfect, which is okay.
    4. Reach out: The holidays can be difficult for those who are alone or grieving. Reach out to friends and family, or volunteer at a local charity. Helping others can be a great way to boost your mood and reduce stress. 
    5. Preventing burnout – It’s okay to say no: For many, the holiday season brings joy but can also bring more stress and conflicting obligations. It is important to prioritize and simplify: prioritize things that bring you joy and allow you to emotionally recharge (people or activities) and simplify when possible. It might be nice to make your grandmother’s cookie recipe from scratch for every holiday, but buying cookies at the store and celebrating is okay if making the cookies is stressful for you this year. However, If you really want your grandmother’s cookies for the holidays but have too much on your plate, ask someone for help.

    Establishing Boundaries and Simplifying Holiday Obligations

    Setting realistic expectations and boundaries is essential to preventing excessive stress and anxiety. Not only is it important to communicate openly with loved ones regarding limitations and learn to say no when necessary, it is also essential to have realistic expectations and boundaries for yourself. Rather than stretching yourself too thin, focusing on essential activities and traditions helps create a more enjoyable holiday experience. If you struggle with setting boundaries in general, my post on The Importance of Healthy Boundaries may be helpful.

    Some of those boundaries may look like:

    1. Develop a holiday budget: Decide what you can afford and stick to it. Spending money on your loved ones is a kind gesture, but paying your energy bill is important, ensuring you have food on the table and covering rent or your mortgage. Don’t buy gifts that you’ll be paying off for the rest of the year.
    2. Create relaxing surroundings: Turn on music, light candles, or open the windows on a sunny day. Research has found that listening to music and the scent of citrus can boost feelings of well-being, and vitamin D is always a happiness booster, which is something those of us in Canada struggle with getting enough of. 
    3. Share feelings: You are only one person and can do so much. Be realistic about how much you can handle this season. Forget about perfection. Those around you most likely won’t notice anything is imperfect. Relax and enjoy the company surrounding you.
    4. Keep sight of what really counts: Determine what is most important to you and prioritize those things. This will help you say no to commitments not aligning with your values or interests.

    The holiday season can be a stressful time, but there are ways to manage stress and anxiety. Practicing mindfulness and meditation, preventing burnout by saying no, maintaining healthy habits, being realistic, and reaching out to others can all help. Setting boundaries and saying no to commitments that may be overwhelming, developing a holiday budget, creating relaxing surroundings, sharing feelings, accepting imperfection, and not losing sight of what counts are also effective strategies.

    The Role of Psychotherapy in Coping with These Feelings

    While self-help techniques can be beneficial in the short term, seeking support from a qualified therapist can be beneficial for managing holiday stress and anxiety effectively in the long term. Therapy can be incredibly beneficial in managing stress and anxiety during the holidays. It provides a safe and supportive space to explore your feelings, develop effective coping strategies, and gain insight into your thoughts and behaviours, which might keep you stuck in repeating patterns and cycles. Therapists specialize in providing personalized guidance and strategies tailored to your circumstances. If any of the strategies listed to help you cope with holiday stress seem challenging to do alone, therapy can help.

    Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
    • CBT helps individuals challenge negative thoughts and beliefs that contribute to holiday stress and anxiety. 
    • Through various techniques, individuals can gain a more realistic perspective, and develop healthier coping mechanisms, manage their emotions
    Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
    • MBSR combines mindfulness practices with cognitive techniques to reduce stress and cultivate present-moment awareness. 
    • Mindfulness exercises such as deep breathing, body scans, and meditation can help individuals gain a sense of peace and calmness during the hustle and bustle of the holiday season.
    Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT)
    • SFBT focuses on setting achievable goals and finding solutions rather than dwelling on problems. 
    • By exploring strengths and resources, individuals can effectively develop practical strategies to address holiday stress and anxiety
    Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
    • ACT helps individuals accept difficult emotions and commit to actions aligned with their values.
    • Letting go of control and embracing uncertainty, individuals can reduce their emotional distress and improve their overall well-being.

     Remember to take care of yourself this holiday season!

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    References

    4 Mindful Tips to De-Stress This Holiday Season. (2023, October 26). Johns Hopkins Medicine. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/4-mindful-tips-to-destress-this-holiday-season

    Coping with holiday anxiety and stress. (2017). University of Iowa Hospitals & Clinics. https://uihc.org/health-topics/coping-holiday-anxiety-and-stress

    DCStudio. (n.d.). close up person playing video games console losing. FreePik.

    Gordon, J. P. (2016, December 19). 6 tips for managing Holiday stress. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/holiday-stress

    Kelly, L. (2019, December 16). Housecall: 10 tips for coping with holiday stress. Mayo Clinic News Network. https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/housecall-10-tips-for-coping-with-holiday-stress/

    Northwestern Medicine Staff & Northwestern Medicine. (2021a, May 17). 7 tips to help with Holiday stress. Northwestern Medicine. https://www.nm.org/healthbeat/healthy-tips/emotional-health/tips-to-help-with-holiday-stress

    Northwestern Medicine Staff & Northwestern Medicine. (2021b, May 17). 7 tips to help with Holiday stress. Northwestern Medicine. https://www.nm.org/healthbeat/healthy-tips/emotional-health/tips-to-help-with-holiday-stress

    Reisner, P. (2021, December 3). 9 tips to fend off holiday stress. Mayo Clinic Health System. https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/fend-off-holiday-stress-with-these-tips

    Seven Ways to Cope with Holiday Stress. (n.d.). https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/seven-ways-to-cope-with-holiday-stress

    Stress, anxiety and the holidays. (2023, June 6). Stress, Anxiety and the Holidays | Brain & Behavior Research Foundation. https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/stress-anxiety-and-holidays

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    The Importance of Healthy Boundaries

    Signs You May Need Healthy Boundaries

    Do you struggle with setting healthy boundaries? How often do you find yourself feeling anxious about all the things you need to do? Does it feel like so many things are competing for your attention, like family obligations, social events, work or school deadlines, chores, community events and, of course, looking after your self-care? Before the day starts, are you exhausted thinking about everything you need to do? Do you find yourself feeling resentful? Like you’ve been mistreated, and you’re rejecting or pushing your needs, wants and desires to the back burner. Is it a struggle for you to just say  “no”?

    If some of these are true, you might struggle with boundaries. Setting healthy boundaries is often the solution to feeling less overwhelmed and overburdened.

    man near carton boxes with many different words about stress
    On a scale from 1(very easy) to 10 (very difficult), how difficult is it for you to say no?

    What are Healthy Boundaries?

    Since many of us weren’t taught healthy boundaries as children, teens or young adults, let’s start with what boundaries are. Boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves and other people. Ultimately, boundaries may differ from one individual to the next and may be impacted by culture, personality, and social construct. It’s not a one-size-fits-all. Boundaries can even differ by situation; boundaries you have at work may not apply when enjoying a night out with friends. 

    It is our way of protecting our physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. Boundaries help us establish a sense of control over our lives and help us communicate our needs and values assertively and transparently. In doing so, we can establish trust and safety in our relationships. It is a way of telling ourselves and others, “This is the line between what is okay for me and what is not. This is the line I won’t cross”. We set boundaries to show love and respect for ourselves, and they keep us safe and healthy and ensure that our lives run smoothly.

    The Different Types of Boundaries. 

    Those who have rigid boundaries tend to appear highly inflexible, unyielding and absolute. There tends to be a struggle with feeling disconnected and isolated from others. Individuals with rigid boundaries try to avoid situations or people in case they cause discomfort or conflict. 

    Porous boundaries are characterized by being too open and unrestrictive. Those with porous boundaries tend to have a higher dependency on others and struggle with feelings of burnout, anxiety and the need to please others. Porous Boundaries can result in oversharing and overinvolvement with others and can make it difficult to distinguish one’s emotions from another person’s. 

    Someone with healthy boundaries is able to say “no” when they need to without feeling shame or guilt. They have higher self-esteem and are confident and assertive. They are comfortable letting people in and opening themselves up in intimate and close relationships. 

    Traits of Rigid, Porous and Healthy Boundaries
    Rigid Boundaries
    • Avoiding others or situations because of perceived discomfort or conflict.
    • Being highly inflexible or unyielding. 
    • Feels isolated and disconnected from other people. 
    • Highly critical of self and others. 
    • Highly defensive of criticism 
    • Struggles with vulnerability and intimacy.
    Porous Boundaries
    • Difficulty saying ‘no’ to others. 
    • Trouble speaking up for their wants and desires in the hope of not disappointing others. 
    • Sacrifices their own needs to make others happy 
    • Emotional when faced with criticism
    • Enmeshed in the endeavours of others. 
    • Mutual oversharing of information and burdens 
    • Regretting overinvolvement with others 
    • Often feeling manipulated by others.
    Healthy Boundaries
    • Selective about who they let in and keep out 
    • Takes time to build trust with others. 
    • Shares personal information when appropriate. 
    • Says “no” when needed 
    • Supports others without being too involved 
    • Values both other’s opinions and their own. 
    • Accepts conflict as a normal part of life. 
    • Stand by personal values but can also adapt if needed 
    • Communicates assertively.

    What type of boundaries do you tend to have?

    Most people tend to have a mix of these boundaries. Someone could have healthy boundaries at work, porous boundaries in relationships and and mix of all three with family. When you recognize what type of boundaries you have, whether you experience rigid or porous boundaries, you can take steps to establish healthier limits within your relationships. Therapy can help you address any underlying concerns that may be contributing to issues with boundaries. 

    The Importance of Healthy Boundaries for Mental Health

    “Setting boundaries is not a betrayal of your family, friends, partner, work, or anyone or anything else.”

    Nedra Glover Tawwab,

    In her book “Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself,” Nedra Glover  Tawwab explores the importance of setting healthy boundaries For mental health and wellbeing.  Arguing that healthy boundaries help us establish a sense of self and ensure we are acting in accordance with our values and beliefs. They can also protect us from harm and draining situations. By setting and maintaining our boundaries, we experience the freedom and joy of being our true selves and thoroughly enjoy rewarding relationships with family, friends and partners. All of which can positively impact our mental health and overall well-being.   

    Through emotional energy conservation, it helps us to be fully present and in the moment with what is important to us. Knowing our boundaries equips us to communicate our needs, set appropriate limits and protect ourselves from situations which might be harmful or draining. 

    Boundaries also help us build our self-esteem and independence. This is done by being clear on who you are, what you ant, and your values and beliefs. By taking ownership of your boundaries, you can increase your sense of control, empowerment and self-esteem. Which also leads to feeling more independent and self-assured. 

    To foster healthy relationships, boundaries help us to build trust, safety and respect. When we have clear boundaries, the people we want in our lives, those who respect us, understand our limits and adjust their behaviour accordingly. Healthy boundaries also help us avoid burnout and gain a stronger identity. 

    By prioritizing self-care and self-respect, we can be more present with those important to us because we feel comfortable and safe. Healthy boundaries also help us limit feelings of unhappiness, resentment and insecurity in relationships, feeling taken advantage of and/or losing a sense of identity. 

    Setting and Maintaining Healthy Boundaries

    That was all well and good. The real question is, how do we set and maintain boundaries, especially when it feels uncomfortable like you are letting people down?

    “Discomfort is a part of the process.”

    Nedra Glover Tawwab,

    Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries can be challenging, that’s for sure especially when it involves family or close friends.  In the book “Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships” Tawwab offers some practical strategies for dealing with toxic family dynamics and ways to successfully disconnect from that person if/when you choose to. Such as……

    Tawwabs other book “Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself,” she presents some simple yet powerful ways to establish healthy boundaries in many areas of your life. There is an emphasis on identifying your needs and clearly expressing them in a way that is without apology.  Suggesting that we can say “no” when we need to be assertive without offending others. 

    In the book “How To Do The Work” Dr. Nicole LePera shares with the reader that self-awareness is essential when setting and maintaining boundaries. Suggesting that we pay attention to our emotions and physical sensations to identify when our boundaries are crossed. 

    Tips on Identifying Your Boundaries

    Identifying your boundaries can be challenging. However, it is an essential step in setting and maintaining healthy relationships. Working with a therapist can help you to learn to tune into your emotions, ask you questions, observe others’ boundaries, practice self-awareness and understand what your own values and needs are, which are essential in understanding what healthy boundaries look like for you. Healthy boundaries are not set in stone; they can be adjusted as circumstances and relationships change and grow.

    Here are some tips you can do now to help you identify your boundaries. 

    1. Tuning into your emotions is one of the strongest ways to understand your boundaries. Pay attention to how to feel in different situations, for example when someone criticizes you or when you feel uncomfortable with physical contact. Emotions can help you distinguish what is okay and what isn’t. 
    2. Ask questions to understand your personal boundaries. Questions such as “What makes me feel uncomfortable?” or “What are my deal-breakers in relationships?” identifying where you need more space, self-respect, energy or personal power is one of the first steps in developing and maintaining appropriate boundaries. 
    3. Observing other people’s boundaries can give you an example of boundaries you might like to set. Talking with friends who have boundaries you admire or who have different boundaries can help know what boundaries might work for you. But remember not to compare yourself. We are all on different journeys. 
    4. Practicing self-awareness is another key factor in understanding your boundaries. Try paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations and be honest. The more honest you are with yourself, your boundaries will be clearer. 
    5. Understanding your values and needs can help you get a sense of your personal boundaries. By understanding your core values and needs, you can create boundaries based on what is central to you and how you need to be treated by those most important to you.

    The Role of Therapy in Setting and Maintaining Boundaries

    Knowing that setting and maintaining your boundaries can be difficult to do independently. Therapy can be a helpful tool for those who struggle to understand, set and maintain healthy boundaries.  

    1. Working with a therapist can help you identify your needs and values, essential in developing healthy boundaries. Understanding your needs and values allows you to establish boundaries aligning with your goals. 
    2. Therapy can also help you develop assertiveness skills for communicating your boundaries. Therapists can help you communicate your needs and boundaries clearly, confidently and with limited shame or guilt, such as “I feel ___ when ____” or “I need ____ from you right now.” 
    3. Therapists can help you explore any concerns contributing to boundary issues, such as low self-esteem, anxiety or trauma. By addressing these concerns, you can develop more confidence and self-awareness needed to set healthy boundaries.
    4. Therapy also provides support and guidance as you navigate challenges when setting boundaries with family members or in workplaces. Therapists can offer practical strategies and tools for setting and maintaining healthy boundaries as well as provide validation and emotional support.

    It’s Okay to Reach Out.

    If you have trouble saying no, setting and maintaining healthy boundaries or need help, contact a mental health professional. Navigating boundaries alone can be challenging, especially if you struggle with mental health or have people who consistently cross boundaries.

    References

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